I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
