I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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