Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
