You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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