I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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