I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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