I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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