Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This baby is an asshole
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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