If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
