That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
