when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
