are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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