someone threw a dead crab at me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
