I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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