I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
