So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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