I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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