Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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