Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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