i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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