trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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