Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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