I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
