does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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