I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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