I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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