What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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