just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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