dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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