i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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