I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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