so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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