Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Can Purell be used as lube?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
