I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
