it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
