Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
