i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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