HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
