I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
