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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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