What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
