..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
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I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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