I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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