This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
