Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
