i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
