i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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