This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my being single is dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize