So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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