3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
