i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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