No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
