i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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