I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
