my mouth tastes like poor choices
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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