I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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