i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
