I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize