3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
