I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my gift to your gina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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