God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
