dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
