is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
