Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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