I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
