turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i need some magic done to my vagina
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize