he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
