This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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