even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize