My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
