You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
