oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
