All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
