Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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