life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
