life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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