I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
