Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
