im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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