they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
