what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
