The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
