he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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